I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to explaining what I have to explain, so ’scuse me if this is all a jumble. But here we go…
I am a stay at home mom. Always have wanted to be one, and am so blessed that I am currently able to live my life-long dream! And yet, after being said mom for nigh on 3 years, I have realized that a part of me wants something else that is separate from my kids; something that I can be proud of. I’ve always been a little crafty, and I decided to start my fabric business on Etsy as an outlet, which has led to the soon-to-open actual hand-made Etsy store. Unfortunately this business won’t be all in the name of “fun”, but also in the name of necessity, because we desperately need a little more cash-flow. Not for “fun things”, not for “wants”, but for really important things, like actually moving out of my parent’s house and being able to provide for ourselves. My fantastic husband excels at his job, but he is a teacher. And teachers, as most of you hopefully realize, don’t get paid what they are well-worth!
I’ve been pretty excited about my new venture, but to the detriment of my kids. I hate to have to admit that. I don’t neglect them by any means, but this business involves quite a bit of computer time, so very often my kids are plugged in, too. Ryan is a 3 year old computer genius, and that breaks my heart! Sure, he spends time “painting” in the paint program, and watching family videos, and typing away (not bad things), but I don’t want that to consume him. Good grief, I’m the momma who was never going to let her kids watch tv, much less play on the computer!
Last night we were on the floor playing with the kids, which we do often, but not enough. They were in absolute fits of giggles. And I want more fits of giggles, more often. So I made a decision.
This morning, I allowed Ry a little time on the computer, and let he and Jack watch one Blue’s Clue’s episode. Then we played. We played hard! When they were ok playing by themselves, I picked up the house a bit and finished 3 loads of laundry. I was on the computer before they woke up for a brief time this morning. Now they are down for their naps, and I feel so good. I feel like I put my all into them; not into my little business. And I’m praying that because I’m changing my way of doing things, God will actually bless the time that I am able to work and allow me to get quite a bit accomplished. We’ll see how it goes, but I am a bit excited! I know things won’t be perfect, and we may have an occasional morning filled with kiddie shows. But no more frantic-trying-to-get-my-things-done attitude. And you know what? The guilt is gone. That feels good. 
