Ahhh, sweet release. The burden is gone. Done. Kaput.
I love how God teaches us things. Sometimes quietly, with a whisper. Sometimes not so subtly. Lately He has been teaching me new truths by practically whammin’ me upside the head from multiple directions. Sound painful? It’s not. It’s fantastic, because you know without a doubt that what you are learning is spot-on!
For, oh, about 10 years (as long as I’ve been engaged-almost as long as I’ve been married) I’ve had that “nesting” instinct. I’ve wanted to decorate-to have that cushy, lovely place to come home to. Hard to do that in an apartment that you know will be temporary…so my “goal” has been homeownership (who am I kidding…homeloanership is more like it for quite a few years!) You can make it your own, do what you want to do-you know the drill. When Erick and I signed the papers on our nest last year, I couldn’t wait to get a jump on it. We even carted home bathroom tile and a sink right after we gave the bank our John Hancock.
If you have followed me long enough-you’ve read my distress. I’ve gone through a love-hate relationship with this house. In a week or two we will have owned the place for a year, and not one detail is complete. Not one room is “picture-worthy”. It bothered me to no end, but I slowly became used to it. One thing I did NOT want, though, was to start having company over (minus VERY close friends who we hoped would care less what state our abode was in). One of my dreams for this house was to open it up to company and have it be a place where people could gather, but I was too embarrassed! After putting off a friend for a few months, I finally agreed to host a Pampered Chef show (coming up shortly) and I figured that would give us the oomph we needed to wrap up a few things. So we worked like mad during Erick’s vacation, getting quite a bit done, but shaking our heads when there was still no visible, apparent progress besides a few uprooted bushes and now a completely shabby facade because I scraped our shingles like the dickens in preparation for exterior paint (thus making it a terrific eyesore).
Then, last weekend came, and I don’t know how it happened, but I truly realized that if I desperately wanted our house finished, it would have been. I would of stayed up late nights, I would have missed sleep, I would have driven myself in circles wrapping up the details. Therefore, it obviously wasn’t that important to me. It was a big, fat thing called Pride that was diggin’ in to my ego. I wanted OTHER people to be impressed. And you know what? I don’t care anymore! We have fantastic friends who would have come over for dinner and not care that our ceiling isn’t painted and we only have folding chairs to sit in. We’ve missed out on a year of developing relationships because of “image”. Ugh. Yucko!
I am done stressing. We’ll have a houseful next week that might look at our house and think “they’ve truly done work to this place?” Actually, scratch that. I know our friends. They won’t think that at all.
I came to this conclusion, and felt so good about it…then the next day I read this blog post. Complete confirmation. I have no problem with making houses beautiful, but ya’ll, we gotta be grateful for what we have. What if I never completed my home transformation? Would it truly matter? I’m thinking not…
I’ll keep chippin’ away at the place. But priorities…wow. Priorities.
(The above link to that post is great…and read more on the trip if you can.)